


Colour Me Black

by papaya_oyl



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Clubbing, Depression, Friendship, Healing, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Pining, Self-Discovery, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:49:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25686847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/papaya_oyl/pseuds/papaya_oyl
Summary: 1 year, 7 months, 17 days,1 year, 7 months, 17 days since his world shattered at his feet. 1 year, 7 months, 17 days since darkness threatened to fill his lungs and drown his soul. 1 year, 7 months, 17 days, since he last saw the petals falling.A journey of finding self-acceptance, where the key to healing, is letting go.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Jeon Wonwoo, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Jeon Wonwoo/Wen Jun Hui | Jun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	Colour Me Black

**Author's Note:**

> Song Suggestions:
> 
> "Never Not" by Lauv
> 
> "Puzzle Piece" by NCT Dream
> 
> Thanks to [tipsy_teletubbies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tipsy_teletubbies) for editing my work :)

1 year, 7 months, 17 days. 

1 year, 7 months, 17 days since his world shattered at his feet. 1 year, 7 months, 17 days since darkness threatened to fill his lungs and drown his soul. 1 year, 7 months, 17 days, since he last saw the petals falling.

Wonwoo woke up in a cold sweat, shivering and shaking. He picked up his phone and checked the time. _3:17 AM._ He ignored the 526 texts that littered his lockscreen, none of which were from the person he hoped would contact him. From the person who would never contact him again. It wasn’t the first time he startled awake from a nightmare; it happened more often than not. The remnants of his dream were slowly fading away. A face he could no longer see. A person standing a metre ahead, facing away from him, barely out of reach. He never got to see their face; he woke up before the stranger turned around. 

_1 year, 7 months, 17 days_ _since he last saw his smile._

Wonwoo blinked his eyes and stared into the darkness of his room. Needing some fresh air, he picked up a random black jacket hanging on his chair, glancing but looking away from the polaroids that reminded him of what the world had taken away from him. He put on his sneakers and walked out of the front door, craving the blackness of night. But Seoul was a city that never slept. There was never complete darkness in the urban areas. Everyone had somewhere to be, even in the ungodly hours of the morning. The roar of cars and trucks flowed through his ears as he walked across the road onto a bridge that overlooked a highway. Wonwoo sucked in the air, breathing in the smell of the city, basking in its liveliness that he himself lacked 

He stood there for what seemed like years, watching the lights travel back and forth with a purpose he could not comprehend. Looking back at his phone, the large white letters passed through his eyes and embedded themselves in his brain. _4:06 AM_ . Time seemed to drag on after _he_ left. Wonwoo sighed, starting the lonely walk back to his apartment. He had school in the morning, and with barely 2 hours of sleep and no likelihood of getting more, he didn’t think it was the brightest idea to linger around a bridge. Well, nothing was bright anymore. 

After stepping into his apartment, Wonwoo began walking through his hallway of memories; the endless rows of pictures and colours that he could no longer differentiate. Maybe his photoreceptors were no longer functioning and decided that all he deserved was the endless shade of black. That was all he could see anymore. The darkness that threatened to choke his breath every time he thought of him. That told him all he deserved was to suffocate under the weight of his own heart. That reminded him of what he lost, his pain and his guilt. He walked up to a picture that is his favorite. Was his favorite. 

It was his favorite, 1 year, 7 months, and 17 days ago. 

  
  


* * *

“Hyung! I’m here hyung!” 

“I’m coming! Don’t be so impatient, Puppy!” Wonwoo responded, chuckling. He looked around, enjoying the nature that surrounded him. He directed his attention to the person waving his arm frantically, wearing the tan trench coat that fit him so well, ripped jeans lining his legs beautifully, and the black dress shoes he only wore when he had an important shoot.

“You know I don’t like being called that, Hyung.” 

Wonwoo only laughed at the pout that decorated his face. He raised his hand and traced the jawline that was perfectly shaped, the lips that were impossibly soft, and the eyes that showed so much depth and emotion that he could get lost in them for days. He raised his face and gently kissed the lips that he had been admiring a second earlier.

“I missed you, Mingyu.”

* * *

  
  


_Ding ding ding._ Wonwoo sighed in relief. His Monday classes had just ended, and the only thing he wanted to do was retreat to his apartment and drown in the darkness of his room. He walked past the familiar cafe that was just around the block to his apartment. He started shivering, having worn only a thin sweater despite it being the middle of winter. There was no warmth for him. He had earned the bitter chill of the ice cold wind.

Just as he was about to cross the street, he felt a hand wrap around his wrist and pull him back. 

“Wonwoo?” 

He ripped his arm out of the strangers grasp, turning around with the intention of yelling at them for touching him without permission. He looked up, and his anger melted as soon as he saw familiar doe eyes. The scent of pine filled his nose, shrouding him in warmth that he didn’t deserve. 

“Seungcheol,” he whispered. 

“Wonwoo? It’s really you? Thank god I saw you! Do you know how worried I’ve been!? You’ve been ignoring my texts and calls for God knows how long!” Seungcheol reached out to hug Wonwoo but he stepped back. Seungcheol stopped and stood with his arm stretched out, confusion etched on his face.

“1 year, 7 months, 17 days.” Wonwoo whispered, looking down at his feet. 

“What?” 

“I’ve been ignoring your calls for 1 year, 7 months, and 17 days.”

Seungcheol slowly lowered his hand from where it had gone to reach for Wonwoo. 

“You’ve been counting?” 

Wonwoo shuffled his feet, unable to answer. He knew he had been wrong for ignoring Seungcheol, but he didn’t have the energy to respond to his texts, knowing that the other would force him to move around and be productive. He had spent the last year and a half lying around in bed, wallowing in his misery, attending his classes but struggling to pay attention to what his teachers were saying. Simply getting out of bed made him exhausted, and studying for tests was a task he could never accomplish.

“Can we talk? Please?” Seungcheol begged, grasping Wonwoo’s cold hands in his own. Wonwoo wanted to refuse, wanting to go back to his apartment and drown in his sorrows, but looking at Seungcheol’s beautiful eyes full of unshed tears, he couldn’t find the heart to say no.

“Ok.” Wonwoo said reluctantly, tugging away from the warmth that he craved in favour of the freezing cold that nipped at his ears and made him shiver. 

“Do you want to go to the cafe and grab a coffee?” Seungcheol suggested hesitantly, afraid that Wonwoo would run away if he was too forceful. 

“Yeah, that sounds good. I’m in the mood for caffeine anyway.” 

“Great! Let’s go.”

* * *

  
  


“Say cheese!”

“Cheese!” 

Wonwoo snapped the picture, admiring the piece of art that stood before him. Mingyu looked absolutely ethereal, surrounded by dancing cherry blossoms. His hair was the color of obsidian and his tan face had the most beautiful expression of bliss. The pink petals contrasted beautifully with the deep blue of the river next to the tree, with Mingyu at the centre, completing what Wonwoo considered a masterpiece. 

_This is my favorite picture._

“Hyung! Come look at this!” Mingyu was standing under the tree, eyes filled with wonder. 

“What is it, Puppy?” Wonwoo walked towards Mingyu, branches snapping under his shoes as he stepped over the roots of the tree. 

“I caught a cherry blossom! You know how in the dramas, they always say that if you catch one, your first love will come true!” Mingyu exclaimed, looking at Wonwoo with adoration. Wonwoo always thought Mingyu was the epitome of joy, filled with happiness that was possessed by him and him alone. He was always excited over the smallest things, maintaining his youth even as he aged. Rooms grew brighter when he walked in, and he gave Wonwoo’s bleak world color. 

“Oh? I didn’t realize. Are you sure I’m your first love?” Wonwoo gently teased, laughing when Mingyu pouted and stuck his tongue out. 

“Of course you are! I would never lie to you, Hyung! We’ll be together forever!”

Mingyu was a liar, and Wonwoo would never forgive him.

* * *

  
  


“Are you okay?” Seungcheol asked Wonwoo with sincerity and worry. He looked down and his hands folded together on his lap.

_Am I ok?_ Wonwoo thought. _I don’t know the last time I’ve had a proper meal. I’ve been failing my classes, and everything looks gray._

“Sorry, that was a dumb question.” Seungcheol looked awkwardly at his caramel frappuccino. 

_He always had a sweet tooth and drank cold drinks in the winter._

Wonwoo took a sip of his black coffee. It was bitter, and made Wonwoo gag as he swallowed, but he didn’t deserve anything else. The bitterness in his life was proof of that. 

“I’m fine Seungcheol. I don’t need you fawning over me like a mother hen.” Wonwoo said, perhaps a bit too sharply. Seungcheol looked up at Wonwoo with hurt evident in his eyes. Wonwoo flinched and looked down at his coffee. 

“Wonwoo, I’m worried. Have you been eating properly? You look like you haven't slept in a week and you’ve been ignoring me ever since Min-” He cut himself off, afraid that Wonwoo would yell or scream. He was silent. He was a blank slate, no ounce of emotion on his pale face. Seungcheol continued quietly, “You know he would have never wanted you to be like this.” 

Seungcheol didn’t understand. He didn’t understand the pain that threatened to drag Wonwoo underwater until he drowned. There was no more color in his world, and no one to light up his days. No warmth to ease him out of bed when they were wrapped up in each other's arms. No laugh that never failed to make him smile. 

_When was the last time I smiled?_

Wonwoo scoffed at himself, clearly knowing the answer.

_1 year, 7 months, 17 days._

Wonwoo whispered, “You don’t know what he would have wanted.”

“What?” Seungcheol looked at him with confusion written over his face. Deep in his eyes, Wonwoo could see the pity. He hated it. He was perfectly fine, functioning in a society that was determined to drag him down and break him. That stole his happiness in a split second. He had survived until now, suffering through his pain alone. He didn’t need pity. Anger rose in him and escaped in harsh words before he could think to stop them.

Wonwoo slammed his hand on the table. “I said, you don’t know what he would have wanted!” 

Shock overtaking his features, Seungcheol jumped in his seat and looked around to see if they had disrupted any customers. Thankfully, it was a quiet day and the only person that looked at him questioningly was the barista, who immediately went back to work. Wonwoo sagged back into his chair, watching the snow fall outside the cafe. The small pieces of ice so intricately carved, with no other purpose than to fall gently to the ground. They still had more purpose than Wonwoo.

He should be out there, freezing to death instead of inside the warm building. 

Wonwoo’s breath fogged up the glass, “He’s not here. You don’t know anything, so stop pretending that you do.” Seungcheol looked hurt, but he didn’t walk out. He didn’t leave like _him_. He stayed.

“I’m sorry. You’re right, I don’t understand what you're going through, but that doesn’t mean you can just shut me out. I want to help, Wonwoo. I’ve been worried sick ever since-,” he paused, contemplating whether he should risk mentioning that day, but a sharp glare from Wonwoo stopped him. “That day, I lost two people, Wonwoo,” he said sadly. “I want to help. Please. Let me help you. Everyone’s missed you too, you know. Hannie, Shua, even Jihoon! They all wanted to help you, but you never picked up their calls or answered their texts.”

Wonwoo couldn’t answer. He didn’t deserve help from anybody. This burden was for him only to suffer. Everything was his fault. He should be able to solve his problems on his own, not rely on someone else to walk him through life. _You get what you give._ Wonwoo deserved everything he went through, every night where he cried himself to sleep, every morning where a monster stood on his chest, preventing him from getting up. The long, dreary nights that were spent reminiscing of what he could have done to change the outcome. The colourless world that mocked him, taunting him for what he lost. _You get what you give._ He deserved the pain in his heart that would never go away, and the blood that dripped onto the tile floors until his eyes fluttered closed and his body fell to the floor. _You get what you give._

Seungcheol reached for Wonwoo’s arm while he was lost in his thoughts, but as soon as he felt contact, he flinched away, eyes full of panic. Seungcheol looked surprised, arm still in midair, confused as to why Wonwoo was so against physical interaction. He retracted his hand, but froze when he saw a drop of blood. He slowly looked up and locked eyes with Wonwoo.

_Shit._ Wonwoo thought. His mind flew into a panic as he immediately stood up and ran out of the cafe, nearly sprinting back to his apartment. He weaved through the crowd of people, nursing his arm as the snow crunched under his shoes, forcing his feeble legs to exercise for the first time since _that day_. The wind blew through his hair and passed through the thin material of his sweater, making him shiver. This was the cold he deserved and craved. One that set a chill deep in his bones. Unforgivable and cruel. 

“Wonwoo! Wonwoo, come back!” He could hear Seungcheol calling for him, but he didn’t stop. He made it to his apartment and fumbled with the lock. He finally entered the correct passcode and fell through the doorway, turning around to slam the door closed. He fell to his knees as the adrenaline wore off as quickly as it had set in, sitting on the cold floor of the living room that used to be so full of life. He closed his eyes and savored the darkness. It comforted him. It was all he ever knew. 

He heard someone approach his door panting, “Wonwoo please! We need to talk!” Desperation tinged Seungcheol’s voice as he knocked frantically.

He ignored the pleas, struggling to keep his breathing steady. His hands were clenched at his sides, nails pressing deep crescents into the palm of his hands. The sharpness of pain and blood always brought him back, even when he thought he would submit to the darkness of death. 

“Wonwoo!”

_In through the nose, out through the mouth. You can do this. This isn’t the first time._ The oxygen wouldn’t enter his lungs, he was suffocating. _I can’t do this. I’m going to die. I’m going to die. I’m going to die._ _I can’t breathe._ Wonwoo was wheezing, chest constricting and the unrelenting pressure kept his diaphragm from expanding and getting the oxygen his body needed. He struggled to inhale, unable to take in the air that kept weak human bodies alive, while the banging on his door continued. 

_Blood. I need blood._ Wonwoo forced his body to move and ran to the washroom, scrambling through his cupboards to find his treasure. It was the one thing that didn’t abandon him when everything was falling apart. When he found it, he immediately bared his arm. 17 thin lines glared up at him. Some were fading to white while others were pink or a deep red. 

_The color of the blossoms._

One was already bleeding, having been reopened after the incident with Seungcheol. He took a deep breath and slashed the razor across his arm, whimpering in pain. He had never liked pain, but in order for him to find his relief, it was inevitable. He deserved it anyway. He always did. He deserved every ounce of the grief that kept him from living. He didn’t think, just kept slashing. 

_1...2...3..._ The blood was trickling down his arm in thin rivets, falling onto the cold tiles of his bathroom floor. _4...5...6..._ It was warm and comforting; the idea of creating a lasting scar that reminded him of all his mistakes and flaws was something Wonwoo desired. 

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

He made it to 9 before he collapsed onto the floor. 

The beating of the door was drowned out by the pounding of his heart, desperate to keep his blood flowing to the parts of his body that lacked the life-giving sustenance, even though that would kill him. _It’s deep. Too deep. Too many_. He could see the entranceway shuddering under the force of repeated blows. Wonwoo’s eyes were already closing, welcoming the darkness that came with unconsciousness. He didn’t sleep; not anymore. The rare times he passed out was due to sheer exhaustion, nightmares and fear preventing him from getting 2 hours of consecutive sleep. Other times, he spent the night staring up at his ceiling, wishing he could turn back time. 

The last thing he saw was the light that filtered in from the hallway when the door finally caved from the force and the pool of blood that slowly surrounded his arm before the blackness wrapped around his body and welcomed him home.

* * *

  
  


He looked up to find two beautiful brown eyes trained on him. 

Wonwoo sighed, “Mingyu, I told you I need to study. The test is tomorrow and I have to ace it. You know the assignments are easy, but the tests are much more difficult.” He was met with a pout, and he couldn’t help but giggle. The librarian looked at them with judgemental eyes, wordlessly scolding them for being too loud. Wonwoo sent an apologetic glance toward her, and looked back at Mingyu.

“But Hyung, you said you would spend time with me today! I prepared everything too!” Mingyu slumped back in his seat, obviously trying to guilt trip Wonwoo. At this rate, with his infamous puppy eyes and pout, it was working. 

“I still don’t understand how you’re passing class. Yes, your photos are amazing, but you barely even study for tests!”

Mingyu smirked, “Well maybe some people are smart, Hyung, unlike you.” Wonwoo gasped, shocked that Mingyu would have the courage to go against him. He stood up and tried to grab Mingyu from the other side of the table, but missed and ended up face-planting into the wood surface. 

Mingyu laughed, prancing away. “See ya, Hyung! Guess I’ll go finish the puzzle on my own!” 

“Kim Mingyu! When I catch you, you’re so dead!” Wonwoo hastily packed his books, bowed to the librarian, and raced after Mingyu, who was only a few paces ahead of him, laughing and teasing him. He was going so fast that he didn’t see the door opening, and proceeded to trip over the corner. Wonwoo closed his eyes, waiting for the impact of the hard floor, but it never came. He slowly opened his eyes, and saw Mingyu in front of him, holding him up before he could hit the ground. 

“Hyung, you’re so clumsy,” he laughed. “But it’s ok. I’ll always be here to catch you if you fall.”

* * *

  
  


_Beep. Beep. Beep._

_What was that sound?_

“Jeon Wonwoo patient? Can you hear me?” 

Wonwoo didn’t know where he was. There was pain, so much pain, more pain than he could bear. He decided to fall back into the comforting arms of darkness and let the sounds nurse him back to sleep.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

* * *

  
  


_Hyung? Can you hear me?_

Wonwoo shook himself. It wasn’t Mingyu, it was his brain playing tricks on him, trying to break down his barriers that he had so carefully constructed to withstand the forces of his own guilt and shame.

_Hyung it's me! Answer me please!_

Mingyu’s voice had always been beautiful. Deep and bold with a slight huskiness to it. It sang Wonwoo to sleep, and reassured him whenever he doubted himself. It had been 1 year, 7 months, and 17 days since he had last heard that voice. That beautiful melodic voice that cured him of his heartaches and pains when his parents had rejected him, and made sure his wounds were sealed and bound. 

_HYUNG!_

Wonwoo started, opening his eyes. There was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Only the black emptiness of his heart was reflected in this world. He was alone. He had always been alone after _that_ day. He couldn’t remember how he got here, and decided that he had died and been punished to a state of nothingness for all eternity. It was a fitting end for an empty shell of a man filled with unending sins.

“Hyung.”

Wonwoo froze. It wasn’t possible. Mingyu couldn’t be here. This was Wonwoo’s punishment, not his. Mingyu should be in a bright world, not in this dull, colourless hell. 

“Hyung. It's me.”

It sounded so much like him, and Wonwoo was tempted to turn around toward the voice that called to him. But he knew if he did, it would kill him. His already fractured heart would crumble into a million pieces, and there would be no putting it back into place.

“Please, Hyung. Look at me.”

Wonwoo whimpered. He tried to stop himself, but his body moved of its own accord, and began to turn around. It was drawn to the sound of comfort and acceptance, it always had been and there was no stopping it. He closed his eyes, afraid of seeing darkness in place of the person he loves. _Loved._ There was no rewinding time, no second chances. He was given the world, and he lost it. No matter how many times he cried and begged for the gods to give Mingyu back to him, all he received was crushing silence. He deserved to suffer for the pain he caused. 

The voice begged, “Hyung, I’m here. Open your eyes, please.” Wonwoo choked on his tears, and slowly opened his eyes.

Before him stood Mingyu. Not just Kim Mingyu. _His_ Mingyu. _His_ Mingyu with his sad smile shining bright, lighting up the eternal darkness. It surrounded him in warmth and familiarity, shining through the difficulties and hardships he had gone through alone, healing the shattered remains of his soul. Those dark brown orbs filled with love and tenderness were shining on him once again. But this time, they were filled with sadness and tears. Wonwoo couldn’t stop the sobs that ripped from his throat. Mingyu stepped towards him, reaching out his arms. Wonwoo all but fell into the arms that had rocked him through his tears, held him through his fondest memories, and made him feel at home. 

They were warm and solid, giving him the touch he had ached for. He looked up to Mingyu’s face, and traced over the smooth muscles that had faded from his memories over time. It maintained the youthfulness that he had always possessed, capable of showing so much emotion that one couldn’t help but read all the thoughts that passed through his head. His face was an open book to Wonwoo. 

“Why-” Wonwoo couldn’t understand why Mingyu was here. This wasn’t a place meant for a star. It was too dark, too suffocating, and would choke out the light that Mingyu brought to this dark world. Wonwoo was a black hole, mercilessly destroying all that came into his path. “Y-you shouldn’t be here, Mingyu.” 

Mingyu looked down at him sadly, “Neither should you, Hyung.” Wonwoo pulled away, struggling to understand what Mingyu meant. He felt a piece of his heart tear away as he stood up and looked into the eyes of the one he loved.

“What do you mean?” Wonwoo whispered, “I deserve to be here, after what I did to you.” There was no excuse. Wonwoo was the reason Mingyu wasn’t with him anymore. He was the reason that Mingyu’s smile could no longer brighten someone’s day. He was the reason that there was one less beautiful soul in the world now. He was the reason that Mingyu was here right now. 

Mingyu looked at him, a tear streaming down his face. Wonwoo reached to wipe it away; Mingyu shouldn’t be crying because of him.“You didn’t do anything wrong, Hyung. It wasn’t your fault.” Wonwoo couldn’t comprehend what Mingyu was saying. Everything was his fault. There was no justifying it. He had destroyed whatever happiness Mingyu had.

“What do you mean, Mingyu?! I KILLED YOU!” Wonwoo screamed, unable to hold back his emotions, and he fell to his knees, bowing before him. “IT’S MY FAULT! I’m the reason you couldn’t live a full and happy life! I’m the reason you never got to see the ocean! I’m the reason you died!” He couldn’t stop the pained cries that tore from his mouth, tears dripping off his chin and falling into the void underneath him. “I’m so sorry Mingyu. I’m so, so sorry,” he sobbed. But the endless apologies Wonwoo offered were worthless; he deserved no forgiveness. All he had given Mingyu was pain.

“That's not true, Hyung.” Minyu’s eyes were full of compassion and love. Love that Wonwoo didn’t deserve. “You’re the reason that made me smile every day. _You_ gave me the courage to pursue my dreams. _You_ were the one who gave me hope in my darkest moments. _You_ are the one that made my life worth living.” He gently stroked Wonwoo’s face, lifting his chin so that their eyes were staring deep into the other's heart. “That’s something I will never be able to repay, Hyung. But give me this chance, one last chance, to make you happy.”

Wonwoo didn’t want to be happy. Not without Mingyu. “NO! Just...no Mingyu,” Wonwoo sobbed. “I can’t be happy, not without you.”

“Yes you can, Hyung, and you will. I’ll make sure of it.” Wonwoo looked up at the face that filled his pictures and memories. The face he had kissed endless times, filled with love and adoration. The familiar almond eyes that haunted his dreams, the sharp nose and plump lips he had spent hours exploring. They were all right here in front of him, but so far out of reach.

Mingyu looked sadly at the arm that brushed his face, and Wonwoo couldn’t help but flinch, trying to hide the scars that displayed his brokenness. Mingyu gently grabbed his wrist, and raised the skin to his lips, caressing the wounds that he could no longer heal. Wonwoo didn’t deserve his kindness, his gentleness. He didn’t deserve to be loved. He didn’t deserve Mingyu. But his selfish heart wouldn’t stop the next words from falling out of his mouth. He was always a selfish man when it came to Mingyu

“Mingyu…won’t you let me stay with you? I can’t-”

“No, Hyung.” Mingyu looked at him sadly. “I’m sorry, but it isn’t your time yet. You still have so much you need to accomplish, and in order to do that, you need to let me go.”

“NO!” Wonwoo sobbed, panic rising at his words. He needed Mingyu “Please Mingyu, don’t make me say goodbye. I’m not ready. I-” Mingyu placed his finger on Wonwoo’s lips, silencing him. 

“Hyung, you holding onto me is only hurting you. This can’t go on. You need to promise me you’ll let me go, Hyung.”

“Please, no..” Wonwoo begged. He wasn’t ready. He couldn’t choose to say goodbye to the only person that made him feel loved. To the only person he had ever loved.

“Hyung,” Mingyu said as he placed a gentle kiss on Wonwoo’s lips, “This is my last goodbye.”

“No...please.” 

“This is the only way for you to be happy, Hyung. There’s no other way. Please. If you love me, do this for me.” Wonwoo was torn between listening to Mingyu and selfishly holding onto the person his world revolved around.

“I-I can’t do that Mingyu. Please. I-I don’t know how.”

“You’ll figure it out, Hyung. Seungcheol hyung is there for you too. He’ll help you. Just give him the chance. Someone else will also come by.” Mingyu smiled through his tears, his bright eyes begging for Wonwoo to let him go. “I need to say goodbye, Hyung. Just remember, I’ll always be with you. I promise.” Wonwoo couldn’t help but think of the other promises that Mingyu made; the ones he never kept. 

Wonwoo knew that Mingyu could see the thoughts that flitted across his eyes, and the latter pulled him into a hug. He slotted in Mingyu’s arms perfectly, like a puzzle piece that completed a whole picture. Mingyu had always teased him, how he was so small and fit perfectly against Mingyu’s body.

_“You’re my missing puzzle piece, Hyung.”_

“This is a promise I’ll keep, my little Wonu hyung.” Wonwoo sniffled, chuckling a little at the nickname. 

“You’ll always be my Puppy. My beautiful, gorgeous Puppy.”

Mingyu smiled as he unwrapped his arms from around Wonwoo, taking the warmth away with him. He stood up and started to walk away. In the midst of all the darkness, there stood a cherry blossom tree, standing tall and strong. The pink was the first color Wonwoo saw. It had been so long since he had seen the trees; there was no longer any point when he couldn’t admire the blossoms that had once been a cherished memory.

The petals were slowly falling, enveloping Mingyu as he walked away. They weaved through his limbs and hair in a criss-cross motion. Mingyu reached out and a petal dropped onto his palm. He looked back, and smiled. Wonwoo smiled back, even though tears blurred his eyesight.

And Mingyu was gone.

“Goodbye, my precious, precious Mingyu.”

* * *

  
  


_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Wonwoo opened his eyes and was immediately blinded by the bright lights. He squinted, looking around the room, trying to figure out what had happened and where he was. A snore interrupted the peaceful silence, and he turned his head around to identify the source of the sound. There was Seungcheol, his broad frame curled awkwardly in a chair and snoring. He was wearing a dark burgundy sweatshirt with a light blue beanie. Wonwoo started at the observation. _I can see colors?_ He looked around to confirm, and realized that even though much of what he saw was still black and grey, he could see the different shades of the hospital uniforms. He thought Mingyu would be proud of him and smiled gently. 

A few seconds later, Wonwoo's eyes widened when he found that it no longer hurt to think about Mingyu. There was still the twinge of sadness that rang at his name, but Wonwoo felt _free._

Wonwoo chuckled at the realization, but stopped when he saw Seungcheol lift his head. 

“Wonwoo? Are you awake?” His voice was husky, ridden with sleep and exhaustion. There were dark circles under his eyes, and guilt overtook Wonwoo at making the other worry. Seungcheol was immediately wide-eyed when Wonwoo smiled at him, calling the nurse before turning back to Wonwoo, grabbing his hand and squeezing. “You scared me so much,” he whispered shakily, tears threatening to fall down his cheek. “I thought I lost you for good.” 

Wonwoo clutched his hand in reassurance. 

“You’ll never lose me again.”

* * *

  
  


Monday, August 6th. The fateful day where Wonwoo’s world turned upside down.

“ _There has been an incident at the Carat Club, located on Main Street, Gyeonggi-do Road-_ ”

*

They had a fight. It was a stupid fight, and Wonwoo can’t remember what it was they fought about; it was that trivial. But it was the reason Wonwoo lost everything that he treasured. They had been working on the puzzle, and a disagreement had caused Mingyu to storm out of the apartment, muttering something along the lines of “I’m going to cool off.” 

Wonwoo let him leave. He never should have.

*

His phone had slipped from his grasp as he watched the news. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t possibly understand why this was happening. Wonwoo grabbed his jacket and raced out of the apartment, running toward the club in hopes that his worst fear wouldn’t be true. 

_No, no, no! This isn’t happening._

There was tape surrounding the building, and police officers were milling about, trying to control the crowd that had come to watch. Wonwoo pushed through the bodies and ducked under the tape, running toward the entrance.

“Sir! You can’t go through there! Sir!”

Wonwoo couldn’t hear them. He couldn’t hear anything except the ringing in his ears and his blood pounding in his head as he lunged into the main room. It was a disaster. There was shattered glass covering the floor, tables overturned and blood splattered over the walls. It was a sickening sight that would remain in his nightmares for months. Wonwoo looked around frantically, paying no heed to the forensic team and detectives filling the room. Then he saw him. He stumbled to the body, falling to his knees and sobbing as he lifted it up and rocked it.

He tried to shake the body, hoping to receive a response, “Mingyu, baby, please. Puppy open your eyes. Please.” The eyes remained closed. Wonwoo continued to rock the body, begging and begging for Mingyu to open his eyes. He never did. He tried to hold onto his hand, but stopped when he felt something sticking out of Mingyu’s palm. He looked down at what Mingyu had held onto in the final moments of his life. A puzzle piece.

_“You’re my missing puzzle piece.”_

Wonwoo screamed in agony, his voice full of raw pain and heartbreak. He screamed until he couldn’t scream anymore. His lungs constricted, and he could hear as his heart shattered in his chest. The sirens and muttering of police faded out into darkness, and all that was left was the pieces of Wonwoo’s soul that were broken like the shards of glass on the floor.

_“A shooter was arrested at Carat Club who open fired on the customers this evening at_ _7:17_ _-”_

* * *

_4 Months Later_

“My teacher gave me an extension to catch up on all my projects, but it's killing me!” Wonwoo complained.

“Well, at least be grateful you got an extension at all.” Seungcheol chuckled, while Wonwoo pouted. They were meeting for the coffee meet-up they had every week at the same cafe where Wonwoo had seen Seungcheol again 4 months ago. 

_It has been 1 year, 11 months and-_ Wonwoo didn’t finish the thought.

The cafe was brightly coloured in blue and pink hues, creating a calming and relaxing environment that Wonwoo appreciated. Dull blue and violet flowers were dotted throughout the room. Even though he could see colors, they were mostly muted and he struggled to recognize some. He only knew the colours of the cafe because Seungcheol had described them to him.

“What would you like Wonwoo?” Seungcheol asked, looking at the menu even though he always picked the same drink every time. He looked back with an affectionate smile, “You’ve been clean for four months, so as a congratulations, you can get anything you want, expensive or not.”

Wonwoo laughed, and traced his fingers over the grooves in his skin. He still kept them covered, but he was no longer shameful of them. They were a reminder of the battle he had fought and won, and whenever he touched it, he felt the brush of Mingyu’s lips hovering over his scars. They were a part of him. They were beautiful. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a nudge to his side by Seungcheol’s elbow, his eyes questioning.

“I’ll have the green grape juice,” he responded with a matching smile. 

“Trying something new, I see? Well, that's always a good thing,” Seungcheol responded, digging through his wallet for change. Wonwoo let his mind wander as they walked up to the cashier.

* * *

  
  


“Hyung, do you know why I always like to go to the cherry blossom tree when it's turning dark?”

They were lying underneath the tree, cuddled together for warmth, watching the sun dip below the horizon and allowing the stars their turn to shine. 

Wonwoo turned his head and looked at Mingyu, who was looking up where the sky met the cherry blossoms. “Why?”

Mingyu sighed happily, “The sky and the blossoms are my two favorite colors.”

“And what are your favorite colors?” Wonwoo asked. Mingyu turned to face Wonwoo and smiled his ever youthful smile full of contentment and euphoria.

“Rose quartz and serenity.”

* * *

  
  


Wonwoo checked the time on his phone. _6:10_. He glanced up and met eyes with the barista he had never seen before. 

“Hi! My name is Jun!” 

And his world exploded in vibrant colours.

**Author's Note:**

> In Japan, cherry blossom trees represent renewal and the fleeting nature of life, while in Korea, it stands for purity and beauty, and the time where winter and the cold is pushed off with the appearance of the blossoms. Even though life is short-lived and momentary, there is still time to enjoy the beauty around us. Cherry blossoms bloom for around a week, and then wait for another year in order to grow again. Although their lifetime is short, the beauty of falling petals and the happiness it brings people are what makes them so special and unique. In order for them to appear, winter must end while spring emerges. Sometimes, certain memories or experiences have to be let go in order for growth and renewal to happen. 
> 
> These are some thoughts that I had while writing this story, and cherry blossoms have always piqued my interest, and it is my dream to travel and see them in person. I hope you enjoyed reading this story and I would be thrilled to hear your opinions in the comments!
> 
> P.S. Many of the numbers or times in this story are related to some Seventeen facts. Hope you can figure out what it is! ;)


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